See ya around,
Ed Kornhauser

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/icq-pranks/icq-transcript-eneticonappliance.php

The website itself is pretty funny as well.

Your Weekly Horoscope
Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
by Feldman J. Ruddermaker
Certified Astrologer,
International Astro-Illogical AssociationTM

(March 21-April 19)
Ruler: Mars – Body: Head and face, upper jaw – Element: Fire

The moons show that April is the perfect month for a long ocean
voyage. Unfortunately for you and your shipmates, April is also the
perfect month for dysentery..

(April 20-May 20)
Ruler: Venus – Body: Throat and neck, upper esophagus – Element: Earth

Knowledge of all the mundane details of your job have never been
your forte, but your new career at the Blakely Nuclear Facility will
come to an end this Friday when, after feeling a touch famished, you
push the big red button that reads “Lunch.”

(May 21-June 21)
Ruler: Mercury – Body: Arms and hands, lungs – Element: Air

Your inability to distinguish among the major food groups will lead
you to suffer a rare dairy overdose.

(June 22-July 22)
Ruler: Moon – Body: Stomach, breasts, solar plexus – Element: Water

This week you will finally pitch your movie script, only to be
saddened by the fact that, apparently, your idea for a film about a
group of social misfits who “bust ghosts” has already been done.

(July 23-August 22)
Ruler: Sun – Body: Heart, spinal column, spleen, duodenum – Element: Fire

Upon your death later this week, you can take small comfort in the
fact that you will be immortalized at the office as “that idiot whose last
words were ‘Hey guys, watch this!’”

(August 23-September 22)
Ruler: Mercury – Body: Intestines, spleen, abdominal cavity – Element: Earth

No man is an island, but then again, if you keep gaining weight at
your current rate you might just become an isthmus.

(September 23-October 22)
Ruler: Venus Body: Kidneys, adrenals, skin ureters – Element: Air

Events this month will prove that you don’t know the meaning of
the word “fear.” Nor do you know meaning of the words:
“self-control,” “drinking problem,” or “DANGER! LANDMINES
AHEAD” (you’re also unfamiliar with “platypus”).

(October 23 – November 21)
Ruler: Mars/Pluto – Body: Generative organs, nasal bone, bladder, colon – Element: Water

You win the adulation of millions of screaming women on
“American Idol” with your unique rendition “Rainbow Connection,”
right after monkeys fly out of Simon Cowell’s ass.

(November 22-December 21)
Ruler: Jupiter – Body: Hips, sacral region, sciatic nerves – Element: Fire

You figure now is as good a time as any to challenge authority,
given that Mars is currently in your seventh house. However, you
really should leave North Korea the hell alone.

(December 22-January 19)
Ruler: Saturn – Body: Knees, hair, joints, bones – Element: Earth

Your attempt to hold a party in your pants is thwarted when the
noise-makers malfunction and the clown refuses to participate.

(January 20-February 18)
Ruler: Saturn/Uranus – Body: Circulation, lower leg, teeth – Element: Air

This week you’ll be under the influence of Uranus. Enough said?

(February 19-March 20)
Ruler: Jupiter/Neptune – Body: Feet, lungs, toes – Element: Water

The stars suggest that your personality is currently open to
change. Because of this, you simultaneously become hooked on
adventure, heroin, and phonics. They’ll find your body somewhere
near the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro with a blissful smile on your face,
a needle in your arm, and a flawlessly composed suicide note.

http://www.cosa.coronado.k12.ca.us/index.html
If you are an aspiring high school/middle school student, or are the parent of one, and are looking for the opportunity to nourish a young persons passion for the arts, then CoSA is the perfect place; at a public school, no less!

CoSA is a public school-within-a-school on the campus of Coronado High School (CHS), Coronado, CA

The Coronado School of the Arts is a public school within the regular Coronado High School (a National Blue Ribbon School) that offers classes specially tailored to the five specific art departments:

• Musical theatre
• Dance
• Instrumental music
• Visual art
• Technical theatre

The Coronado School of the Arts (CoSA) offers a unique educational opportunity to students of the arts in grades 9-12. Intense curricula in each department provide advanced-level training for the truly creative student, and local professionals with extensive backgrounds in their respective fields are brought in as faculty.

Students get to spend hours each day immersed in their chosen art form. The classes given at CoSA are on par with most college classes around the country. Not only that, but students get to interact daily with others who share their same passion. This is an opportunity rarely afforded at any other high school.

“Our major goal is to nourish the passion students feel for the arts by providing them with space, expertise, and opportunities.”

Don’t live in Coronado? Not an issue if you want to be in the CoSA program. If you or your child is accepted into CoSA, you can easily get an Interdistrict Transfer, especially from North County (I came from Escondido every day).

Thank you for reading more about the Coronado School of the Arts. Please do visit their website.